First days at work - Oh so lonely...

Ok, so here I was in my Abidjan office for my first day at work. My boss was busy, so he couldn't spend more time with me than just to take me through the office, introduce me to the 5 people around and show me my desk.

I was sitting in an office with two young Ivorian guys: a financial analyst and a trainee. They were very polite, they asked me how I was, how my family was, then they got back to their work.

At 10 o'clock I asked if anyone was up for a coffee. No thank you, I don't drink coffee. Great. I recalled with nostalgy the coffee-breaks at my Paris office where we used to have so much fun. That was crossed. And that was all for the conversation going on until lunchtime as well. Hmm, people are really absorbed in what they are doing here, I was thinking.

At lunchtime I was waiting for someone to ask me out for lunch. I was so keen on getting to know all these small restaurants around in the business center. When I finally asked someone where he takes lunch, I got another unexpected reply: "Well, haven't you brought your own food? We all bring our food and eat in the kitchen." No, I hadn't thought about that. My second plan to build a social life at the office was slowly dissipating and I foresaw some tough, lonely months...

At the end of the day I started wondering what was wrong with me: nobody had said a word to me all day long. My mind-reading process came up with scenarios like I'm the only white person and they don't appreciate working with one; they must know I earn more than them and they don't appreciate it.

Next day I made sure I bring luch and eat with the others in the kitchen. I was expecting some nice time, discussing about work, personal life. But instead, everyone was reading a newspaper, in complete, monk-style silence.

I felt really lonely. Not only did I have to abandon my French time-out activities, but I didn't even have the usual small-talk among colleagues while at our desk. No questions were asked about me, how I got to Abidjan, where I was before, etc. It was difficult for me and I kept asking myself questions about it.

Then I decided to be more proactive: if they don't ask, I will. Finally, what could I lose? Being seen as pushy? How would that change to the current no-talk relations? So I almost forced them not to read the newspaper during luch. Where did you go to school? How do you come to the office? Where do you live? What do you do on week-ends? At first, it was one question-one answer, then back to the newspaper. After a couple of weeks, it was 3-4 minute discussions, until finally my colleagues got over their barriers and started asking questions about me. I was so happy! I finally felt more included in this group, more accepted.

Some weeks after one of my colleague went to a meeting. When he came back, he told us: "Oh, I'm sure you missed me a lot!" and we all laughed. I felt so happy because for me, this was a clear sign of established informal relationship, opening up and connecting among colleagues. I also felt it as a perconal success, where my efforts of connection yielded a positive result.

It really turned out that what I initially thought as coldness from my Ivorian colleagues wasn't more than shyness and respect. Africans don't just jump on you in a quest to temper their curiosity. Whatever they think, they keep it for themselves and don't "bother" you with all their naive questions. It was up to me to go into their life,find connections and give them the permission to do the same.

Sometimes this can be perceived as a kind of non-interest or apathic neutrality, because we are so not used to that. But, as with many other things, I had to carve out my place in this group by being open and curious about them.

By the way, my first day in my Ghanaian company wasn't the same. Some people came right to me asking questions, inviting me out for lunch, talking to me in Twi (the local language) and encouraging me to learn it. Some people were as shy as my first two Ivorian colleagues, but now, after the first experience, I handled it quickly and got through the initial barriers. 

Have a nice, curious day all.